


Heart and Soul

by Halmaithor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (or at the very least feelings confessions), Feelings, Love Confessions, Multi, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23279080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halmaithor/pseuds/Halmaithor
Summary: ‘I don’t think I can go through with this.'‘You mean the parabatai ceremony?’ Izzy nods. ‘Okay,’ he says evenly. ‘What is it? Nerves?’Izzy sighs. ‘Not exactly.’The night before Izzy is due to become parabatai with Clary, Alec finds her in the training room.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood - Relationship, past clary fray/jace wayland - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87
Collections: Shadowhunters Fic-A-Thon 2020





	Heart and Soul

It’s the morning before the ceremony, and Alec can’t sleep. He tosses and turns as gently as he can in his old Institute bed, trying not to wake Magnus – but he can’t change the fact that it’s already nine o’clock in Alicante, and his brain is therefore wide awake despite the fact that the sun has yet to rise in New York.

Eventually, he eases out of bed, and finds a piece of paper to scrawl on.  
_Woke up early, couldn’t get back to sleep. I’ll be back in time for breakfast. X  
_He leaves the note on his pillow – Magnus doesn’t stir except to hog the covers a little more, and Alec briefly wonders if warlocks are naturally immune to portal-lag – before quietly leaving the room.

He wanders aimlessly, his footsteps echoing a little louder than normal in the night-time. The Institute is never silent – apart from being in the middle of the city that never sleeps, there’s also the fact that patrols run round-the-clock – but it’s certainly quieter before dawn than it is during the day.  
Which is how he hears a familiar voice coming from the smallest (and therefore least-used) training room.

He rounds the corner; and sure enough, Izzy’s there, pummelling the life out of a punching bag. She’s been at it for hours, if the sweat plastering the hair to her forehead is any indication, but she’s still pushing as hard as most do when they’re fresh in a fight.

‘Hey,’ Alec says, closing half the distance between them. ‘Couldn’t sleep?’  
Izzy doesn’t even glance at him, just keeps working the bag. ‘Yeah.’  
When no other answer seems forthcoming, he prompts, ‘Wanna talk about it?’  
‘Not particularly.’  
Another bout of silence. ‘D’you want a sparring partner?’

His persistence pays off, and Izzy finally stops assaulting the punching bag, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. ‘No. No, I just…’ She swallows hard, getting her breath back before she continues. ‘I don’t think I can go through with this,’ she confesses.  
Alec frowns, confused. ‘You mean the parabatai ceremony?’ Izzy nods. ‘Okay,’ he says evenly, leaning against the wall. ‘What is it? Nerves?’

Izzy sighs again, trudging over to him. ‘Not exactly.’ She sinks down against the wall to sit on the floor, and Alec joins her, careful to give her a little space. ‘Clary’s been back about eighteen months, right?’ she begins. ‘And… I don’t know what it is, but in the time she’s been away, something’s changed. It’s like… I’m seeing her differently.’  
‘Differently how?’ he asks.  
Izzy side-eyes him. ‘Come on, you know what I mean.’  
‘I think so,’ he admits, ‘but I don’t wanna jump to conclusions.’

Izzy lets out an exasperated huff. ‘Fine. I have feelings for her, okay?’  
But before Alec can say another word, she leaps to her feet, turning away again. ‘Look, just – just forget it. It’s not important. We’ve had this conversation, I just need to suck it up and take my own advice.’

She starts to walk away – but Alec is quicker, scrambling to his feet and grabbing her arm. ‘Hey – hey. Just… stop, for a moment.’  
She obliges, but she still doesn’t look back up at him.  
He steps around until he’s facing her, hands on her shoulders. ‘Look,’ he says, ‘I know what you told me back then, and I don’t regret following your advice. I wasn’t out, and Jace already saw me as a brother – I knew nothing was ever gonna happen between us. It was the right call.’ He ducks down, closer to her eyeline. ‘And it still made me miserable, for _years.’_

She looks up at him then, taken aback.  
He gives a sad smile. ‘If you still want Clary to be your parabatai, despite what you’re feeling, it’s your decision. But honestly? I think you should trust your instincts. This kind of secret between you two could be dangerous – I mean, I had a pretty good handle on things, and I _still_ nearly got Jace killed,’ he jokes half-heartedly.  
  


There’s a still moment, and then Izzy slowly shakes her head; but it’s not denial. It’s resignation. ‘Shit,’ she says. ‘What do I tell her? I can’t just bail on her with no reason, but I know she doesn’t feel the same way. She’s the one who suggested we go through with this.’  
‘Maybe,’ Alec allows. ‘Or maybe she just thinks that _you_ wanna pick up where you guys left off.’ He smiles. ‘Look, either way… just talk to her. She cares about you, she’ll hear you out. You guys’ll make it work.’ He pulls her in for a one-armed hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head – and immediately wrinkling his nose. ‘Though you may want to shower first.’

Izzy huffs, but she’s smiling. ‘Gee, thanks.’  
  


***  
  


When Alec gets back to the bedroom, he’s greeted by a flash of cat eyes in the dark. ‘Hey,’ he says apologetically. ‘Did I wake you?’  
‘No,’ Magnus mumbles. ‘I think my subconscious just got suspicious about how much of the comforter I had.’ He reaches out and gives a weak beckoning motion. ‘Come back to bed. It’s still hours before the ceremony.’

_If there_ is _a ceremony,_ Alec thinks – but he keeps his mouth shut, for now, just crawling back into bed and letting Magnus burrow into his arms. All that’s left to do is wait, and hope that whatever Izzy decides will make her happy.

  
***  
  


Clary’s woken by a quiet knock at the door. ‘Come in,’ she says, blearily.

Her door swings open, and despite the early hour, she smiles at who she sees there. ‘Hey Iz. Everything okay?’  
Izzy hesitates. ‘Not really, no. Can we talk?’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Clary says, immediately more alert. She sits up, patting the side of the bed for Izzy to come sit with her. ‘What’s up?’  
Izzy perches on the edge of the bed, keeping her gaze on the floor. ‘Listen, about the ceremony today… I don’t think I can go through with it.’  
‘…Oh,’ Clary says, trying not to look too crestfallen.  
‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ Izzy says hurriedly. ‘It’s just… things have changed.’

Clary nods, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘Alright. Yeah. I get it.’ She’d hoped, of course – but she’s been away for a year, only back eighteen months, and after all, Alec and Jace knew each other for _years_ before they made that kind of –  
‘No, don’t-‘ Izzy interrupts her train of thought, meeting her eyes and looking worried. ‘It’s not that. I still trust you, we’re still close – there’s no-one else I’d rather have watching my back,’ she says earnestly.  
‘…Okay,’ Clary says, not even trying to hide her confusion. ‘Then what is it?’

Izzy seems to steel herself; her gaze locked with Clary’s, determined.  
But her voice, when she speaks, is soft. ‘I have feelings for you.’  
  


For a moment, Clary doesn’t think she’s heard right. _Izzy?_ Izzy… _likes_ her?  
‘It’s alright if you don’t feel the same way,’ Izzy continues, ‘and I don’t want this to be weird – I mean, for starters, you and Jace have a history, and I respect that.’ She gives a small, strained smile, shaking her head. ‘But I can’t be your parabatai if I’m falling for you.’

Clary just processes that for a few seconds.  
And then she’s sitting forward to wrap Izzy in a tight hug, and she can practically _feel_ Izzy’s relief. ‘Okay,’ Clary says. ‘It’s okay. We won’t go through with it.’ She sits back again, and when Izzy gives her another smile – slightly tearful, this time, but wide and genuine – she can’t help but return it. ‘We should probably talk about what we do next, though,’ she says – softly. ‘Maybe over breakfast?’ Hopefully.

Izzy laughs, and it’s warm and relieved and beautiful. ‘Sounds perfect.’

  
***

  
Two hours before the parabatai ceremony is due to start, every single guest receives an apologetic fire message, explaining that the ceremony has been cancelled due to ‘unforeseen circumstances’.  
(All except one, which simply says _Thank you_. Alec smiles the moment he sees it.)

It’s a mystery, and will remain that way to all but a select few – and in the coming weeks, in the absence of any real answers, it’ll become easy fodder for Institute-wide conspiracy theories.

  
(…That is, of course, until six months later – the day the Head of the Institute is caught making out with Fairchild in her office.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, do let me know what you thought :)  
> [Find me on tumblr! ](https://silver-latin-and-salt.tumblr.com/)


End file.
